Wizardness

I woke up and found Death’s grinning face peering down at me. The face pulled back, allowing me to focus on the rest of the Death’s being.
Death cocked its head at me. Then Death glanced about, scratching the top of Death’s head.
I realized then that Death wasn’t wearing the traditional garb I’d seen Death portrayed in. Death was wearing, what I could only describe as booty shorts. On the top Death was wearing an oversized purple hoodie, that had some characters that I’d never seen before, I’m assuming they were supposed to be letters or something.
Death shrugged, leaned back down towards me. I flinched as Death reached out to pat my cheek. Death spoke then, “Take care of that body, yea? You’ll miss it when it’s gone.” Death’s voice was not a deep graveling grating voice like I was expecting. Instead it was a sweet sing songy sound. I was mesmerized.
Death stood then, waved and turned, almost as if Death was flipping some nonexistent hair. Then Death sauntered off. I still do not know how those shorts stayed on.
I took a minute to catch my breath. It’s not every day you stare Death in the eye and Death shrugs. I laughed then. Death shrugged. Didn’t take my life, but SHRUGGED!
My joy was short lived though. A scream shattered any semblance of relief I may had felt. I looked about, expecting some horror to be unfolding in front of me. Instead it was a smaller Death staring and pointing a bony hand at me. That Death was pulling on the sleeve of a very large Death. That Death was easily 6’5” which towered over my 5’10. I glanced about to see what was behind me. There was nothing but more of the hill I had reclined upon.
The small Death was screaming at me.
“Skinjob!” The large Death boomed at me. This Death did sound very much like I was expecting. Deep grating voice, I’ve heard rock slides that were gentler.
“Daddy! Why does it have skin?!” The child Death cried.
At this time, I pondered if, in fact, Death was multitudes or if I’d stumbled upon a skeletal land. Perhaps this was a type of afterlife?
“I’m sorry you had to see this,” it was difficult to separate words in the tumble of stones. “This, is a skinjob. They are forbidden in our land. I’ll deal with it.”
“What a minute! Deal with it? Deal with me? What are you going on about?” I cried.
The child skeleton shrieked. I jumped. I did not expect that noise. The child followed this with a question, “How can it talk?! It’s got all that meat in the way. It sounds so disgusting.”
“I know, dear. Let me call the Skinners. They will know what to do.” Boulders bounding broken mountainsides sounded gentler than that massive Skeleton. It thrust a hand towards me, “If you make a move towards my child, I will disembody you myself.” It sounded like glaciers baring down on me. I curled into a ball. There was nothing else to do.
He pulled out, what looked like, a small phone. I peaked over my arm to see how he used it. I could see him tapping at the screen, but it never looked like the bone actually touched anything. It was fascinating. Almost as if there was a body, there, but not really there!
As he was dialing, I sprang to my feet. I pivoted away from the pair and sprinted around the hill, away from them. As far from them as I could.
I heard a barrel of rocks explain to his child that the Skinners would get me. I certainly hoped not.
My European ancestors may have been brutal practitioners of scalping, but they never liked it. They needed to pay the bills, you understand. I certainly hoped the Skinners had neither bills nor enjoyed – I shuddered, unable to complete the thought.
Why wasn’t that first Skeletal figure that saw me afraid of me. Why only this pair?
There were more questions than I could answer with the information at hand. Especially, when I was out of breath. This was a steep hill. Why did I end up on this steep hill. How did I get here?
I looked up the hill. It seemed to only get steeper as it disappeared into the clouds. Despite the warm day, there was a low cloud ceiling. I decided the only way to avoid the Skinners would be to make the clouds.
I ran was much as I could. Which wasn’t much. I walked when I couldn’t, which was often.
I heard voices below me. There was yelling.
I kept going. I would not be caught by no good Skinners. They must be monsters. How can a people force others to remove their skin?
I struggled up and up. The hill, who am I kidding, this was an unnatural mountain. There was no shadow cast upon it. It had perfect grass. Grass you’d only find on the side of a gentle sloping mowed hill. It had just the right grip for walking. Like a golf course.
I continued to climb, but the Skinners were on some sort of flying machine. It seemingly hovered over the ground and allowed them to quickly and easily ascend to be level with me.
I despaired. I could only imagine, in the context of what that first Skeleton had said to me, keep your body, that they would do violence to me. That they would skin me as their name implies.
I heard the earth shudder behind me, “Sir, please stop running. We’re here to help.”
Now, I’m a god fearing man and I know that some of the most terrifying words ever spoken are “I’m from the government and we’re here to help.” I wasn’t any more calm with the towering skeleton attempting to reassure me.
Another voice cut in, “Sir. We can help you get home. People with bodies like yours cause serious problems here. You need to go home.”
I stopped and turned then. There were two other skeletons next to the stone crushing voiced skeleton. I couldn’t tell which one was speaking. They were just smiling skulls with no emotions.
I shuddered.
I heard one of them mutter, “God, it repulses me.”
The one that offered to help muttered back, “Shut up Steve. We need to gain its trust.”
The gravel voiced skeleton sighed. He pulled something out of his pocket. It looked like a gun. I started to scramble away, but felt a sharp pain. It felt like I’d been hit with a paintball.
My vision blurred. I’d been drugged. They dugged me. “You sssssons of bitchesss. You drugged me.” I slurred as I stumbled. I felt the world tip. I was on a very steep hill after all.
I began to fall as darkness enveloped me.
I woke up in a bedroom. It looked like mine. I took a deep breath.
There was a knock on the door. A skull faced head popped in, “Oh good, you’re awake. Good news! The procedure was a complete success!” The voice sounded like Death, the very first skeleton I’d come across. Death held up a mirror. My skull grinned back at me.